Umm Hakim, returned to Allah 26 Jan 2009

See below the last two diary entries of one of our dear sisters in Islam, who returned to Allah last month. Her husband has given us the privilege to read these and be inspired by them. May Allah SWT give her Jannatul Firdeous and His full protection. May He SWT give her family the highest of patience, and reward.....

My dear sister Ruksanah has given me this book [diary], so that I can write my thoughts, feelings or poetry. Between you and me I am not really good at expressing myself through writing and as far as poetry> goes, well I'm not quite sure about that! – ha, ha, hee, hee.

Anyway let me see what comes out as I sit here [hospital] & think about what's been going on. I've got cancer. What does this mean? To> most when you say cancer they think DEATH. But by the Mercy of Allah (swt) this thought is not consuming me. Allah (swt) is the one who gives & takes life and this disease is not going to rob me of any time in the Duniya. How many times have we given talks or written things about this?

To realise that these concepts are not theory is very important. It is what makes a Muslimah who they are & how we cope. They [concepts] tie us close to Allah (swt) and bring comfort to our hearts. So cancer, leukemia, flu or cold, flying in a plane, getting in a car or simply going to sleep at night makes no difference to me in terms of death. None of these things cause your death. It is Allah (swt) that controls> this.

So what do I think? To be honest I don't really think about it [cancer] too much. I have been pretty much carrying on like normal dealings with today, today's pains and today's problem's. Melek (my dearest Melek) asked me yesterday how I deal with the pain. I laughed and told her I take the drugs. This really made me think about my brothers and sisters around the world , in Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine, Pakistan, etc. That simply don't have these drugs. Not only don't they have them [drugs], they don't have a medical team or a hospital bed for that matter. How blessed we are! Subhannah Allah! We got all of it. The consultant who is going to ork on my liver is a partner to the queen's surgeon.! But what of my sisters, the Fathimas', the Ayshas' that scream in pain or just rock back and forth. I think of them and tears come to my eyes. I want to see the coming of the Khilafah. The lifting of this oppression sobadly. How blessed are we?

By he mercy of Allah (swt) I get through the pain, I pray the duas that are there to relief them. I drink my Zam Zam [water] and pray "O Allah! You are the curer, the healer, and the reliever of pain, so cure me, heal me and relieve my pain."

1st Dec 08

They are going to let me go home today InshaAllah. I am really looking forward to it. It is quite funny I have lived off a few things in a cupboard and some stuff on a table for about six weeks. [In hospital] Just goes to show all we need some food, clothes and shelter. I just wanted to write a bit about the overwhelming support I have had from my sisters who love me for the sake of Allah (swt) and the brothers that pray for me and show support to Ferdeous. How fortunate am I, SubhanaAllah! I feel so blessed, so many people are making dua for me, may they all go to Jannatul Ferdoeus., their sins be forgiven and their personal duas be answered. I love them all for the sake of Allah (swt). It reminds me of the hadith where two people love each other without having any family ties, purely for the sake of Allah (swt) [1] . InshaAllah, we fall into this category . I think about people who are alone and go through the same thing and l o about myself. What if I wasn't practicing [Islam] with so many sisters and brothers like I have now. Who would have been there for me? Who would be praying for me? We are so blessed. Allah (swt) is really taking care of me.

[Cemaliye 'Jem' Beyzade, Umm Hakim. Age 36, d. 28 Muharram 1430 AH /> 26 January, 2009]